I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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