I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
