So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
