i will never coherently bang her
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
