and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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