So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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