Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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