My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
