I think i peed on brittanys purse
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
