Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
