i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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