Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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