since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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