She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
