I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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