oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize