I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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