yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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