thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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