So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
