Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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