Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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