sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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