Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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