she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
