frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
