you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
