since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
