i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
