When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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