got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
