shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
