she was so not down for the gang bang
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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