I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
