I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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