So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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