you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
be right there i have to get my cape
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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