time to smoke my breakfast
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think a kid would responsible me up
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
