a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
