either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
