Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
