He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
