it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
