last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
