So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
