The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
