don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
