I'm an idiot
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?