I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
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There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0