Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.