So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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