So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top