To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
