He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
