You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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