Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
