lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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