My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
