Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
