even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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