Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
