I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
