Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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