I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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