Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
