Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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