She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
