you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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