we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
