You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
