OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
