Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
