Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
