I didn't shave. On purpose
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
time to smoke my breakfast
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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