I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
