we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
