I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
